TOP DRAWER INK NEWSLETTER

 

Here's the latest issue of Top Drawer Ink, the newsletter written by author HL Carpenter that's chock full of humor and common sense information.

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January 24, 2009
Volume 7, Number 2
ISSN 1554-6330

In this issue:

1. Carpenter Country
2. Top Drawer Article
3. Top Drawer Tips
4. Top Drawer Satire

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CARPENTER COUNTRY
What's Happening in Our Neck of the Human Experience

 

Have you ever passed a mirror and wondered – who is that old person?

Carpenter Country’s short one has pondered that question for quite awhile. Then last week, right after she’d blown out all the candles on her birthday cake, the mirror incident happened again.

This time she decided not to wonder, but to do some research. The words ‘scary phenomena’ typed into a Google search turned up - bad eyesight, a distorted image due to wavy glass and a short quiz that began with - have you been drinking?

Disgusted with the lack of results, the short one shut down the computer and took another look in the mirror. Sure enough the old lady was still there - this time with more wrinkles and a litany of complaints. “What kind of a haircut is that? Did your sweatshirt come from the ragbag? Why are you wearing grandma jeans?”

“You sound like my mother,” the short one said. “Quit yelling at me. It’s my birthday and I’m wearing big jeans because I ate too much cake.”

“Well, I hope you have a great day,” the mirror gal said. “But I’m here to stay unless you can figure out a way to age gracefully.”

How do I do that? the short one wondered. She’d tried paint and powder, snipping and clipping, shopping and buying. Nothing worked.

Then she remembered a really bad poem she’d once written titled Instant Facelift.

Spectacles on - what do I see?
The crinkled face of maturity.
Spectacles off - what do I see?
A face that’s almost wrinkle free!

She leaned toward the mirror, pulled off her eyeglasses and presto - the old lady disappeared!

Who’d have thought aging gracefully was that easy.

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TOP DRAWER ARTICLE

The NYSE by the Numbers
by
HL Carpenter

 

The New York Stock Exchange, now called NYSE Euronext, is the world’s largest equities market by dollar volume. In December 2008 approximately 3,500 companies with a total capitalization of nearly $10 trillion were listed on the Exchange.

As you might imagine, the Exchange started out much smaller.

Read the entire article here

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TOP DRAWER TIPS
Topics and Tidbits

 

Tip: NYSE Euronext offers free publications for investors and teachers. You can download posters and guides from the web site’s Educational Materials page.

Glossary Term: Market capitalization. A company’s market capitalization or market cap is calculated by multiplying the number of shares outstanding by the market value per share. The market cap reveals what the stock market as a whole believes the company is worth. To be listed on the NYSE, a company generally must have an initial market cap of $100 million. At present, and through April 2009, staying listed requires maintaining a market cap of at least $15 million over a 30 day period.

Financial Horoscope: The Chinese Year of the Ox begins on Monday, January 26, the same day as the new moon. Both are signs of prosperity, but you don’t have to believe in the zodiac or the Farmer’s Almanac to get ahead. Success is a state of mind.

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TOP DRAWER SATIRE

Ponzi Schemes Unlimited
by
HL Carpenter

 

In a sign that the fraud industry remains unaffected by the global recession, Ponzi Schemes Unlimited, an international purveyor of trademarked swindles, claimed today that 2008 was a ‘really good’ year.

Read the rest here