TOP DRAWER INK NEWSLETTER

 

Here's the latest issue of Top Drawer Ink, the newsletter written by author HL Carpenter that's chock full of humor and common sense information.

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February 20, 2010
Volume 8, Number 4
ISSN 1554-6330

In this issue:

1. Carpenter Country Essay

2. Top Drawer Article

3. Top Drawer Tips

4. Top Drawer Satire

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CARPENTER COUNTRY

What's Happening in Our Neck of the Human Experience

Remember the 70's commercial that asked: How do you spell relief? And the reply was: R-o-l-a-i-d-s. Well, here in Carpenter Country, the short one has come up with an entirely different response.

It all started the other day when her mammogram report arrived with a notice that a more extensive scan was needed.

The only info she could get when she called her doctor's office was her first scan showed calcification in an area where there shouldn't have been any - and the appointment for another screening was a week away.

For seven days all kinds of 'what if' scenarios danced through her head.

On the morning of the second scan, the short one arrived early, changed into that wonderful abbreviated gown handed out in most mammogram rooms, stood in front of the x-ray machine and watched part of herself get compressed into a pancake.

"Have a seat in the dressing room," she was told when the procedure was over.

Five minutes of floor pacing passed - followed by ten minutes of fingernail chewing. At that point the tech walked into the room and said, "You can go. Everything looks okay."

The short one jumped up, sang out, "Thank you, thank you!" and headed for the door.

"Wait," the tech said on a laugh, "You should change back into your own clothes before you leave."

The short one looked down at the short open shift she'd forgotten she was wearing. "Good idea," she replied, wondering if the butterflies in her stomach had flown up to addle her brain.

And that's when the old commercial popped into her head.

How do you spell relief?

U-R-O-K!

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TOP DRAWER ARTICLE

2010 US Census by the Numbers

by
HL Carpenter

We can't move forward until you mail it back. You've probably heard or seen one or more of the numerous commercials heralding the mid-March arrival of the 2010 census questionnaire. Why the blitz of marketing? Because, according to a Government Accounting Office (GAO) report, it's getting harder and harder to count America’s growing population.

Click here to read the rest of this article

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TOP DRAWER TIPS
Topics and Tidbits

Tip: There's no option for completing the 2010 census questionnaire on the internet. You'll have to complete the form on paper and mail it back. If you forget, a census taker will come to your door. If you choose not to participate, you can be fined.

Glossary Term: Redistricting. Changing the boundaries of legislative areas. State legislatures or commissions use census information to redraw voting districts in response to geographic shifts in population.

Financial Horoscope: February 21 through 28 is "America Saves Week" - the perfect time to adjust your financial boundaries. Changes in your circumstances might call for updating your budget or reworking your entire financial plan. Go beyond the numbers to meet the challenge.

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TOP DRAWER SATIRE

Gold Medal Spending

by
HL Carpenter

Despite fierce competition at the international sporting tournament currently in progress, the US Congressional team managed to prevail as the gold medal winner in Runaway Spending. The prize was largely attributed to the team's new Coach-in-Chief, who modestly stated he merely continued to build on the foundation put in place by his predecessor.

Click here to read the rest of this satire