TOP DRAWER INK NEWSLETTER

 

Here's the latest issue of Top Drawer Ink, the newsletter written by author HL Carpenter that's chock full of humor and common sense information.

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May 7, 2011
Volume 9, Number 9
ISSN 1554-6330

In this issue:

1. Carpenter Country Essay

2. Top Drawer Article

3. Top Drawer Tips

4. Top Drawer Satire

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CARPENTER COUNTRY

What's Happening in Our Neck of the Human Experience

There was no word that adequately described what I felt in Junior High when I had to give what was, at the time, called an oral topic.

Just the thought of standing in front of my grinning, kibitzing classmates would send me to the nurse's station with a roaring stomach ache.

Years later, I found out such self-defeating habits could be overcome. For that I must thank my Carpenter Country ally who was able to address any size crowd without a quiver or a fidget. She urged me to sign up for a course in public speaking.

The instructor started the class out slowly. Choose a topic, make notes, then practice reading them out loud in front of a mirror. I was doing great until the moment came to take the floor. All of a sudden it was fight or flight time.

What to do?

Should I fake a throbbing pain and run away? But then my daughter would write Mom off as a total wuss. So, if I wanted to save face, there was really only one choice: Toughen up.

I took a deep breath, walked to the lectern and started talking.

To my amazement, me, the gal that for years had envied every person able to carry on a monologue in front of a packed auditorium - aced the course!

My high lasted for a whole day. By the time it faded, I'd learned two more things.

Speechmaking would always make me anxious.

And filling a blank sheet of paper with words would never give me a stomach ache.

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TOP DRAWER ARTICLE

Don't Be Fooled by These Investment Scams

by
HL Carpenter

In this low interest rate environment, with stock and commodities markets in what seems to be constant flux, your search for investments with a decent return may lead you out of your comfort zone and into dangerous territory.

To keep you from wandering all the way to the land of the con artist, here are three shady investment deals the Federal Bureau of Investigation wants you to be aware of.

Click here to read the rest of this article

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TOP DRAWER TIPS
Topics and Tidbits

Tip: The US Federal Bureau of Investigation offers tips on preventing internet fraud, including dangers you may not even be aware of, such as the recent "Coreflood" infection. Coreflood is a virus that can infect an unprotected computer and record keystrokes, giving thieves access to your personal and financial information. The FBI's advice: Keep your anti-virus program updated and scan your computer regularly.

Glossary Term: Botnet. Networks of virus-infected computers controlled remotely by an attacker. Before being closed down by the FBI, the Coreflood virus was used in an international fraud botnet that infected as many as two million computers with malicious software.

Financial Horoscope: Everyone wants your money. No surprise there. You already knew that's how it works in the trenches of real life. Clean the muck off your boots, watch out for potholes, and keep on marching.

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TOP DRAWER SATIRE

Crackpottery, Inc.

by
HL Carpenter

Immediately following the recent US military operation in Pakistan, Crackpottery, Inc. reported brisk sales of its namesake kits, which are marketed as "flaky theories in a box".

Click here to read the rest of this satire