TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

New Tax Law Ruins Memorial Day Weekend for Thousands of Accountants
by
HL Carpenter

 

Holiday plans of fun and frivolity were ruined for thousands of accountants when Congress gave final approval to the Jobs and Growth Tax Relief Reconciliation Act of 2003 over the Memorial Day weekend, according to a spokesperson for the Institution of Certifiable Public Accountants.

“Our members were looking forward to three days of festivity during our annual ‘Celebrate the Code’ Gala in Taxing, Nebraska,” said Icahnn Count. “Instead we’ll be attending forums to discuss such topics as how much to raise our fees, and which new cars we’d like to buy.”

“It was a real heartbreaker,” acknowledged Cash Flow, a sole practitioner and first-time Gala attendee. “The kids were disappointed when I told them we’d have to skip this year’s keynote lecture about the difference between credits and deductions.”

Not all of the Institution’s 300,000 members were unhappy about the change of plans. One who declined to give his name said, “New laws are exactly the reason I chose accounting for my career. Changes to the code mean job security.”

In fact, according to the press release issued by the Office of Management and Budget, policy makers expect the Act to generate enough extra income for tax return preparers, financial planners and attorneys to offset the reported negative impact to the national deficit. “What decline in revenue?” said one official. “We’re just shifting the tax burden to where it belongs – the professional preparers.”

With three new tax acts passed in three years, the ICPA is considering hosting a dinner and award ceremony for President Bush. “We’d like to let him know how much we appreciate the complexity he’s managed to bring into the tax code in such a short time,” said Ms. Count. “It’s a real accomplishment, and one we’re sure he’s proud of.”

 

Originally published June 2003.