TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

Accountants Sued For Being Too Opinionated
by
HL Carpenter

 

After announcing a largely unnoticed decision in the matter of affirmative action, the nine Justices of the U.S. Supreme Court will soon turn their attention to a far more controversial case.

Court watchers have been eagerly awaiting the day oral arguments would begin in the case of The Association of Radio Talk Show Hosts (TARTSH) vs. the Institution of Certifiable Public Accountants (ICPA).

The lawsuit, originally filed in California, alleges that accountants are infringing on the inherent right of TARTSH members to be the most opinionated segment of modern society.

Since the day the Supreme Court agreed to hear the case, controversy has been raging over whether accountants are too opinionated. Pre-trial speculation on the outcome has been rampant.

TARTSH stated in a recent press release, “There’s only one possible conclusion to this case. Everyone who has ever had a tax return prepared or an audit completed knows accountants have far too many opinions. And it’s not like they haven’t already publicly admitted as much. Just take a look at every audit report ever filed with the SEC.”

But the ICPA is certain accountants will be vindicated. “Of course we have opinions,” says Icahnn Count, spokesperson for the Institution. “We’re an extremely outgoing, intelligent group of people, and we know a lot about a variety of subjects. If you want my opinion of TARTSH …”

At that point Ms. Count was interrupted by her lawyer, who stated she did not, in fact, have an opinion on that particular topic.

Some think the case is nothing more than a publicity stunt by TARTSH.

“The whole issue is overblown,” says C. Asset, a CPA and partner in the last big auditing firm that still exists in the U.S. “At least, that’s my opinion.”

 

Originally published July 2003.