TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

Accountants Demand National Pencil Day
by
HL Carpenter

 

Now that Congress is no longer distracted by pesky matters of tax policy, the Institution of Certifiable Public Accountants is pressing for a long delayed initiative – the creation of National Mechanical Pencil Day.

Mechanical pencils, long prized by accountants who disdain carrying portable pencil sharpeners in pocket protectors and audit bags, are more than just an affectation, according to Icahnn Count, spokesperson for the Institution.

“They’re a rite of passage,” says Ms. Count. “You study for five years to receive a diploma, then pass a national exam, and finally you get your pencil. A personalized Cross or Sharp says a lot about who you are.”

And, in fact, some accountants consider the pencil more important than a diploma. “After all,” says B. Sheet, a sole practitioner based in Saw Mill, Arkansas, “You just hang the diploma on the wall and never look at it again. The pencil is a vital tool that you use every day.”

While most members of the Institution agree that National Mechanical Pencil Day is a good idea, a die-hard faction belonging to the American Pencil Collectors Society feels the initiative doesn’t go far enough. They’d prefer to push for an entire week.

“Every organization has a small reserve of dissidents,” says Ms. Count. “Perhaps these renegades will be cheered to learn that the next item on our agenda is National Hug Your Accountant Month.”

 

Originally published June 2003.