TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

Pushing Luck
by
HL Carpenter

 

Got luck?

If not, don’t despair. There will soon be enough to go around. That’s because manufacturers are expected to ramp up production in response to today’s release of revised US Department of Fortune (USDF) recommended minimum daily requirements (RMDR).

The new guidelines double the amount of luck for adult Americans to four chances per day, up from the current two. The RMDR for children is increased to 1 chance from 0.5 previously.

The change is expected to vastly expand the luck market, which is already huge. The Association of Destiny Manufacturers, an industry trade group, estimates that volume in the US approached the $2.3 trillion range in 2003. Most of the activity for that year was in the hard and bad luck categories.

On a geographical basis, the distribution of luck is fairly stable across the country. But since the USDF makes no specific recommendations about the type of luck consumers should seek in order to meet their RMDR, market dynamics are expected to move away from traditional products.

“Our members anticipate a surge in interest in higher margin areas,” says an association spokesperson. “We foresee plenty of opportunity in good, blind, pure and dumb luck.”

 

Originally published October 2004.