TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

Mad Spend Disease
by
HL Carpenter

 

Shortly after Congress raised the federal debt limit to more than $8 trillion, the first suspected case of mad spend disease was announced.

According to the National Institutes of Fiscal Responsibility (NIFR), the voting record of an unidentified congressman tested positive for the presence of irresponsible squandering of funds. Financial experts say the test has not yet been double-checked, but there is only a remote possibility of an incorrect diagnosis.

They also say it’s unlikely the result is an isolated incident. Hundreds of the nation’s federal, state and local political office holders with signs of the disease are never tested.

“This is a high risk population,” says Manda Tory, a spokesperson for NIFR. “To ensure the protection of the American taxpayer, all elected representatives should be tested on a regular basis.”

At present, testing is voluntary. Making it a requirement would mean initiating legislation – which is unlikely to occur, since the lawmakers themselves would be the target of any resulting new regulation.

“Spending money is a national pastime,” says a member of the Senate Misappropriation committee. “Asking members of Congress to exercise fiscal restraint is unrealistic, not to mention un-American.”

 

Originally published December 2004.