TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

The Mule Rule
by
HL Carpenter

 

In yet another case of science finally getting a harness on a fact real people have always known, research confirms that humans and mules have much in common.

A recent report published in the scholarly journal Theories R Us earmarked a phenomenon called the ‘Mule Rule’. The shocking conclusion: Humans, like their four legged counterparts, prefer to be led rather than pushed.

Dr. Idoan Beeleevit, author of the report, based his deduction on studies conducted at a Farm Lab. When humans were required to complete a task, nagging or other ‘pushing’ behavior provoked resentment and refusal to act. Likewise, mules balked when herders attempted to force them in a specific direction.

Yet both responded willingly when guided to a common goal by an able leader.

“The potential applications of this research are enormous,” says Dr. Beeleevit. “From politics to marketing, our entire society is based on the idea that people must be shoved into compliance. With the help of a few mules, we’ve shown that to be an asinine belief.”

Despite his fervor for his topic, Dr. Beeleevit is unwilling to bet the stable on change happening any time soon. That’s because his research shows humans are like mules in another respect, too: Both are often content to follow whoever brays loudest.

 

Originally published June 2005.