TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

Twosday
by
HL Carpenter

 

Remember that project you promised to complete on the second Tuesday of next week? The due date may be closer than you think. A pro-business nonprofit called Eight Day Week plans to petition the US Time and Hour Department to add an extra Tuesday - tentatively called Twosday - to the current calendar.

The impetus for the proposal is recent research proving Tuesdays are the most productive day of the week. Based on the results, Eight Day Week claims duplicating the day will double standard weekly output and have a huge impact on the US economy.

“Our proposal will transform the way business is conducted,” says Dumor Wyrk, the organization’s spokesperson. “This change is needed. At the moment, there are not enough days in the week to get everything done.”

The construction and software industries are expected to be most affected by the addition of Twosday, and proponents believe that fact will bolster support for the proposal. But early reaction from behavioral experts has been muted. They believe the root cause of Tuesday productivity levels has yet to be determined, and that adoption of a second Tuesday should be delayed until some unidentified future date when the data has been gathered and analyzed.

“It’s a mathematical question involving variables such as what’s in a name and exactly how many people can be fooled some of the time,” says one.

Mr. Wyrk views these objections as a ‘business as usual’ timetable. “We’re moving ahead with our proposal,” he says. “We refuse to wait for a day that may never come.”

 

Originally published July 2006.