TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

Campaign Promises: Made in China
by
HL Carpenter

 

The Federal Information Bureau (FIB) today issued yet another recall of a defective product widely imported from China: the campaign rhetoric of presidential hopefuls.

“American voters need to beware,” says a FIB spokesperson. “Candidates are promoting flawed promises and shoddy wording in debates and news interviews.”

While campaign promises have a history of being less than believable, this is the first time a federal agency has imposed a recall on candidate remarks. Some pundits believe the action is politically motivated. However, FIB is quick to point out that the comments of all candidates should be considered equally suspect.

Over the past weeks, other recalls of substandard products have included toys, tires and toothpaste produced by various manufacturing plants in China. Some say American companies, in the continuing quest to cut costs, are to blame. But that argument doesn’t hold up as an explanation for the latest recall.

“All the candidates have enough money to afford the very best disinformation,” says one unhappy voter. “We create plenty of it right here in America. There’s no need to outsource this work.”

Phone calls to candidates went unanswered, perhaps due to the recall, which restricted the ability of politicians to import cheap answers from China.

 

Originally published August 2007.