TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

The Great American Money Fairy
by
HL Carpenter

 

Santa Claus may be a myth, and the Easter Bunny probably doesn’t exist. But the Money Fairy is alive and well, and living in Washington DC.

“It’s the only explanation that makes sense,” says one congressional staffer. “We spend far beyond our means every minute of every day, but the cash keeps coming in, just like magic. How could it, if the Money Fairy didn’t exist?”

That belief is prevalent in the US capitol. According to a recent survey of members of Congress, 97.3% of representatives and 99.9% of senators are convinced the Money Fairy is no fable.

Americans who breathe less rarefied air than those living in Washington are not quite as convinced. Even so, polls indicate approximately 47% think the Money Fairy is real. Nearly 30% of believers say it’s likely the cash-strewing pixie is the alter ego of billionaire Bill Gates.

Historians have traced the first recorded accounts of the Money Fairy to the establishment of the Social Security program. Prior to then the government subscribed to the quaint notion that funds came from people called ‘taxpayers’.

“We abandoned that theory years ago,” says the staffer. “Common sense tells you there’s no way taxpayers could afford to foot the bill for the spending we do.”

 

Originally published June 2007.