TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

Rising Problems, Sinking Solutions
by
HL Carpenter

 

Problems are all the rage. But solutions are few and far between.

“No one’s interested in answers any more,” says a fretful solutions industry spokesperson. “Problems are a much more lucrative business.”

The results of an annual trade study support that conclusion. Sales of problems, crises, dilemmas, predicaments and quandaries jumped 1,261% last year. And that’s just the beginning. Experts anticipate plenty of room for additional growth, saying global demand for problems has never been stronger.

With strong demand translating into higher prices, problem manufacturers are reporting record profits. But frustrated solutions producers see little relief. In fact, some industry analysts believe the industry is participating in its own demise. They say every solution fuels the boom for problem makers, because answers often provoke even more vexing worries.

Another problem: The creation of solutions is labor-intensive. Due to a shortage of qualified thinkers and the constant threat of litigation for producing the wrong answers, few new firms are entering the field.

To make matters worse, after years of neglect, the companies that remain are struggling with outdated equipment and disillusioned workers. Declining demand and an uncertain future may mean answer factories will eventually be shuttered for good. The result? A world of fear, uncertainty and doubt, with no positive outcomes in sight.

Problem producers say they are sympathetic to the troubles of the answer industry, but point out they are not in the business of supplying solutions.

“Figuring out answers is someone else’s problem,” says a manufacturer’s representative.

 

Originally published May 2007.