TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

Fate of Silver Linings Up in the Air
by
HL Carpenter

 

Silver Linings, Inc., the world’s sole purveyor of shiny cloud coatings, ran into stormy weather yesterday, when the US Rainy Day Commission banned sales of the company’s trademark product. The Commission based the action on concern about overblown marketing claims.

“Their advertising promos declared every cloud has a silver lining,” says a spokesperson for the Commission. “After a lengthy study, we’ve determined the evidence does not support that assertion.”

Experts say the ban is the latest in a series of government moves designed to protect consumers by eliminating endorsements of unwarranted optimism.

“The official position of the Rainy Day Commission is that it isn’t always possible to get something positive out of a situation,” says one.

For Silver Linings, the crackdown could spell doom.

As news of the ban broke, analysts began issuing sell recommendations, citing a new focus on the fact that while all silver linings are found in black clouds, the reverse is not necessarily true. In turn, investors grew pessimistic about the company’s ability to emerge from a suddenly dark future, and the price of Silver Linings’ stock plunged.

In the midst of the furor, Silver Linings announced the company has begun discussions with the Rainy Day Commission to clear up any misunderstandings.

“We continue to look on the bright side,” a press release states. “There is great value in Silver Linings, and we believe the Commission will eventually see the light.”

 

Originally published September 2007.