TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

Anyone for President?
by
HL Carpenter

 

Turns out your mother was right again: In America, anyone can become President.

Political analysts have long considered the cliché an urban myth. In official literature, it’s classified under the taxonomy “Fabula parentis ignavus”, loosely translated as “Fables used by lazy parents to promote desired behavior in children”. That’s the same category as Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.

But the results of this week’s Iowa caucus are forcing some to take another look at the conventional wisdom.

“We may have been mistaken,” concedes one political pundit who asked to remain anonymous. “At this point, it does look like anyone could become president of the United States.”

Experts say if the old folk wisdom is actually true, the implications are staggering. They point out an unfortunate truth your mother never mentioned: If anyone can be president, then presidents can be anyone – and frequently are.

Still, others scoff at the idea.

“It’s a tall tale,” says a Washington insider. “Anyone who believes it has obviously never been president.”

 

Originally published January 2008.