TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

Magic Carpet Rides, Inc.
by
HL Carpenter

 

As gas prices continue to rise, Americans are scrambling for ways to reduce consumption. Magic Carpet Rides, Inc., a manufacturer of alternative vehicles, believes it has the answer: Flying carpets.

“We intend to provide a sensible transportation solution for cash-strapped commuters,” says Al Lee Baabaa, a corporate spokesperson. “Getting our business into the fast lane will change the rules of the road.”

Early signs indicate car buyers think flying carpets have potential. Even though the company is still grounded pending an airspace exemption from the US government, the corporate stock is being propelled to new heights. While old-school auto makers are losing money, shedding jobs and closing assembly lines, Magic Carpet Rides, Inc. is preparing to gear up production.

At a model exhibition in Washington last week, enthusiastic attendees raved about the array of colorful designs, which are in sharp contrast to the uninspiring look of ordinary vehicles. In addition to personalized weaves, flying carpets can be accessorized with fringe and other fancy touches, though some noted with disappointment the carpets lack cup holders.

Despite the lavish appearance of the vehicles, Magic Carpet Ride, Inc. prefers to tout fuel efficiency as a selling point. Though the actual means of propulsion is a trade secret, the company says flying carpets can operate without oil fuels, biofuels or diesel. That claim has the attention of the presidential candidates, who are both very interested in giving Americans the opportunity to float on air.

Skeptics doubt flying carpets will wean US drivers from more conventional vehicles or result in lower gas prices. Still, they admit the concept is no more unbelievable than thinking Congress will come up with a better solution.

 

Originally published August 2008.