TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

Searching for the Fountain of Smart
by
HL Carpenter

 

Get out your dowsing sticks. The location of the Fountain of Smart is once again in question.

According to legend, the elusive fountain, which may exist only in theory, imparts intelligence to all who imbibe. Over the centuries, various governments, individuals and other groups have claimed to know the fountain's whereabouts – and to have slurped a swig or two of frothy smart-juice. To date, none of the claims have survived scrutiny.

Most recently, investors, regulators and stock market participants were certain the fabled fluid burbled merrily beneath Wall Street. But researchers say no evidence has surfaced to support this latest conviction. In fact, stupidity experts report the current financial flood proves Wall Street was once again drinking something far different than an elixir that promotes intelligence.

As a result of continuing disappointment in what's been a dry, lengthy quest, some are beginning to fear the fountain may not exist.

"We have to face reality at some point," says a discouraged professional seeker. "All indications are there is no magic source of smarts."

Others refuse to throw cold water on the idea that the Fountain of Smart is more than a myth.

"We’re not giving up," says an undaunted believer. "We’re convinced that someone, somewhere, knows something."

 

Originally published April 2008.