TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

Thinking Caps
by
HL Carpenter

 

Take off your thinking cap. Under a proposal being considered in Congress, not thinking may bring you more benefit than actually using your brain.

The proposal, called ThinkLess, is based on the system being adopted worldwide to reduce carbon emissions. The government sets a cap, or limit, on the amount of thinking that can be done. Individuals, companies and others who use less than their quota of thoughts are allowed to sell the excess.

“There’s no profit in thinking too much,” says a congressional aide. “The best way to keep people from wasting time thinking is to provide an opportunity to make money by not thinking.”

ThinkLess is gaining traction in Congress, which often exhibits a total absence of the activity. Political leaders are convinced the US should do more to fight unnecessary thinking, particularly on the part of voters. All three presidential candidates support the idea.

Critics worry about who will buy the surplus thoughts. They’re concerned that as Americans think less, other parts of the world may take the lead in technology and innovation.

Proponents defend thinking caps, saying that after years of public education Americans are used to not having to think.

 

Originally published March 2008.