TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

Milk of Amnesia
by
HL Carpenter

 

Milk of Amnesia manufacturers are joining the upswell of criticism over the beverage served at a recent White House race relations meeting.

“Milk of Amnesia is Washington’s favorite drink,” says Idont Remember, a forgetfulness industry spokesperson. “It would have been the perfect accompaniment to this historic event.”

Regular drinkers of the product agree, saying the dispute between a Harvard professor and a Cambridge policeman could have been easily defused if all parties involved had imbibed Milk of Amnesia instead of beer.

Milk of Amnesia, a sweet non-dairy concoction that clouds the ability to recall the past, enjoys wide popularity at many political gatherings, as well as Congressional hearings. Earnings releases show sales of Milk of Amnesia in the D.C. area bubbling up this year, though analysts say that’s always the case when a new administration moves into town.

“Politicians like to think their ideas are original,” says Thatsa Fact, an industry expert. “Milk of Amnesia provides an easy way to maintain the illusion.”

Even people who believe Milk of Amnesia is unhealthy admit the beverage is effective. They point to legislation currently brewing in Congress as proof, saying the proposals under discussion have been through the wringer before.

“Milk of Amnesia is the only reason these things keep popping to the surface,” says a critic. “One swig and you’re ready to make past mistakes all over again.”

 

Originally published August 2009.