TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

No Shortage of Blame
by
HL Carpenter

 

Americans anxious about the possibility of missing out on their fair share of Blame can relax. The government is positive there is plenty to go around.

“We have no shortage of Blame,” states Wee Inheritedit, a presidential spokesperson. “We have all we need on hand, and more is on the way.”

Blame, a small, bitter pill designed to help evade the pain of Responsibility, has been liberally dispensed in Washington since January. Earlier this week, after reports there would not be enough Blame for everyone who deserves it, rumors began circulating of a Responsibility pandemic.

Experts in Blame distribution believe those fears are unfounded. They point out the White House is focused on Blame apportionment, and that the pace of deliveries is picking up, with approximately 15 trillion new doses of Blame expected over the coming days.

With so much Blame ready to be doled out, these experts say no one will ever have to suffer from Responsibility, a dreaded social condition that can ruin careers and change lives.

Mr. Inheritedit agrees, and adds that the White House understands how critical it is to stave off Responsibility with adequate stocks of Blame.

“Eventually we will spread Blame everywhere,” Mr. Inheritedit says. “No one should doubt our ability to do so.”

In keeping with current policy, almost all of the next batch of Blame is reserved for specially targeted individuals, primarily officials of the previous administration. Mr. Inheritedit says some Blame will also be set aside for other high priority groups, such as bankers and insurance executives.

Later, should the need arise, doses of Blame will be made available for a wider population, including ordinary citizens.

 

Originally published November 2009.