TOP DRAWER SATIRE
Where's Rock Bottom?
by
HL Carpenter
Do you know where Rock Bottom is? If so, you may be able to collect a sizeable reward.
Authorities are offering cash for solid information concerning the whereabouts of Rock Bottom, a popular stock market indicator who disappeared several weeks ago. According to investigators, Mr. Bottom was last seen racing out of the Valley of Abandoned Predictions on his way to the Gulf of Despair. Both locations are known danger zones.
“We’re actively searching for Rock Bottom,” says Bea Fuddled, lead investigator. “We think we’ve been close several times, but Mr. Bottom always manages to elude us.”
No one’s quite sure why Mr. Bottom has fallen out of sight. However, while his disappearance is in violation of several technical market rules, authorities stress they have no grounds for arresting him. They simply want to get him turned around and headed in the right direction.
Worried investors, legislators and regulators will be more than glad to see Rock Bottom too, though hope is hitting a low point as time goes by. Still, some have managed to maintain optimism.
“All signs indicate Rock Bottom is near,” says Prog Nosticator, a market tracker who is assisting in the search. “I’m certain Mr. Bottom will be found where the missing always are: In the last place you look.”
Originally published March 2009.
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HL Carpenter, an experienced investor and a CPA, specializes in reader friendly financial and tax topics for individuals and small businesses, and publishes Top Drawer Ink, a newsletter that's chock full of humor and common sense information.
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Last update: December 30, 2009
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