TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

Your Two Cents
by
HL Carpenter

 

Despite the slow economy, Your Two Cents is seeing a sharp uptick in donations this year.

The increase has been dramatic. So dramatic, in fact, the charity, a national organization that collects unsolicited opinions from donors and delivers them to whoever will listen, has cut back on fundraising efforts.

"We're no longer asking people to give us their two cents," says Dime Adozen, Chief Opinion Officer of Your Two Cents. "But everyone seems to feel very strongly about continuing to do so."

Charitable experts say opinion givers have always been generous, and concern for people without opinions of their own drives that generosity to record levels during times of stress.

Mr. Adozen agrees, though he wishes the quality of the opinions would rise along with the quantity. “Some of these ideas keep turning up like bad pennies,” he says.

Donors remain resolute in their determination to aid the less opinionated, usually going to great lengths to drop off donations.

“If you don't put your two cents in,” says one contributor who went out of his way to deliver an opinion, “how can you get change?”

 

Originally published April 2009.