TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

The Great State of Confusion
by
HL Carpenter

 

According to newly released Census data, the state of Confusion easily won the right to claim the title of “Most Popular US Destination”.

“Many areas of the country experienced a net loss of population last year, with more people leaving than arriving,” says I. Counted, a Census Bureau demographer. “Confusion was the only state that reported a massive influx of new residents.”

Leaders of Confusion, which is a disoriented state of mind located just north of Befuddlement, appear perplexed about the reason for what they call a surprising surge in popularity.

“Let’s face it,” says one mystified official. “Confusion is a great place to visit, but no one really wants to live here.”

Discombobulation experts say that’s a common misconception. They believe the migration to Confusion is understandable, given murky economic conditions and a general lack of clarity in the rest of the country.

While Confusion’s perennially cloudy skies and thick fog are potential drawbacks, residents say the state offers a confounding array of activities that you can participate in despite the weather, such as wandering around and muddling through. Even better, you’ll have plenty of company, since Confusion is full of distracted people who are just like you.

Some residents are puzzled as to why you’d want to live anywhere else.

That attitude was reflected in a recent competition to update the state motto. The winning entry: “If you’re not here with us in the great state of Confusion, you’re not thinking clearly.”

 

Originally published March 2009.