TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

The Washington Conflict
by
HL Carpenter

 

Americans are losing patience with the war. In a recent poll, nine of ten Americans agreed the country should abandon the bitter conflict currently raging in Washington DC.

“We’ve been at war with Washington for several decades and we’re still not making progress,” says Joe Citizen, a member of the nonprofit group Voters, Inc. “In fact, it seems to me conditions on the ground keep getting worse.”

Mr. Citizen, a soft-spoken man who gives his occupation as “Taxpayer”, is adamant in his conviction that Americans should retire front-line fighters from the Washington battlefield. Along with other members of Voters, Inc., he wants all troops currently deployed to Washington out of the capitol permanently by November 2010.

Military experts use the term “political fatigue” to describe Mr. Citizen’s weariness with the war in Washington. They say it’s a natural reaction at this stage of lengthy hostilities. Government officials, however, appear to have been taken by surprise by the shift in public opinion.

“We just implemented a new strategy in January,” says one befuddled congressperson, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “People have to give it time to work.”

According to Voters, Inc., that’s not likely to happen. The new strategy, code-named “Bipartisanship”, started off with solid support. But as casualties mounted, Americans became disillusioned. Some see no clear plan for success in Washington and believe the new strategy looks an awful lot like the old strategy.

“The war in Washington is a distraction from our real problems,” says Mr. Citizen. “We need to end it and give ourselves a fresh start.”

 

Originally published September 2009.