TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

Too Much Debt?
by
HL Carpenter

 

You may have noticed that Debt, an American performer with an international following, has packed on a few pounds over the past year. The actor’s critics have noticed there’s a lot more of him, too.

“Debt’s far too hefty,” says Needa Bujit, who calls herself a concerned Debt watcher. “He ought to go on a diet.”

Not everyone thinks she’s right.

“I don’t understand why some people are so fascinated by his size,” says Ihav Noclu, Debt’s representative. Speaking from his office in Washington, Mr. Noclu adds, “Debt may have ballooned lately, but it’s not like he’s ever been what you’d call svelte.”

Fans agree. They say Debt has always been a big man. Though they admit he’s undergone a bout of what they call ‘expansion’ since recent financial difficulties came to light, they point to past fluctuations in his weight and contend this recent gain is nothing to worry about.

“He’ll work it off eventually,” says one. “He’s just been under a lot of stress and he’s gotten pudgy.”

Ms. Bugit calls that attitude naïve, and says Debt’s corpulence has reached the point of unhealthiness. She believes admiring fans are enabling the actor to continue on a path that can only lead to an unhappy outcome.

Mr. Noclu scoffs at her fears. “Debt will be around a long time,” he says. “I have no doubt Ms. Bugit’s grandchildren will be admiring his work.”

 

Originally published November 2009.