TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

Recalling the Facts
by
HL Carpenter

 

If you’re following the healthcare debate, you may want to check your Facts. Hyperbole Unlimited today announced a recall of Healthcare Facts, a specialty item produced for the US government. According to the announcement, the recall was prompted by reports of fury among taxpayers who study these Facts.

Hyperbole, a purveyor of a variety of government approved information packets, says flaws in the recalled Healthcare Facts haven’t led to serious injuries or fatalities, though some congressional egos have sustained slight bruising.

Despite the size of the recall – it’s expected to be one of the largest in US history – Hyperbole insists its products are not the sole cause of fiery reactions among taxpayers.

“Healthcare Facts are only one component of taxpayer wrath,” says I. Tolduso, spokesperson for Hyperbole. “Our investigation shows multiple factors are contributing to taxpayer frustration.”

The recalled Healthcare Facts, which cost approximately $100 million each, are made up of equal parts of Imagination and Wishful Thinking. Both ingredients are known to cause taxpayers to see red. To counteract this reaction, replacement Facts will contain a measure of rosy predictions, along with a “sprinkling” feature that allows the Facts to be watered down when tempers soar.

Hyperbole urges all taxpayers to contact members of congress to obtain the revised Healthcare Facts. The government wants Americans to exercise caution when studying Facts that do not contain the new safety features, as eruptions of anger may cause unanticipated results, especially in the close confines of a voting booth.

 

Originally published October 2009.