TOP DRAWER SATIRE
Freedom's Independence Day
by
HL Carpenter
Fans of Freedom plan to celebrate her Independence Day in a big way this weekend.
Freedom, an American icon and a charter member of the rock trio ‘Unalienable Rights’, was released from the hospital July 4th after a months-long recuperation from an unspecified nervous system disorder.
In a declaration issued soon after she fell ill, Freedom said she believed people no longer cared about her, and that she had no reason to go on. Medical experts blamed Freedom’s breakdown on a decline in her popularity, which they believe weighed heavily on her mental state.
Freedom’s physicians offered no details on her condition or her release from the hospital, other than to report she has improved enough to go home for the weekend. That was welcome news to fans across the US, many of whom intend to show their support by eating watermelon and setting off fireworks.
Freedom’s publicist, Yoo Knighted-States, appreciates the enthusiasm and encouragement, but cautions against too much optimism.
“Freedom is not yet completely back on her feet,” he says. “She still needs additional psychological help.”
The other members of Unalienable Rights have also suffered health issues recently. Lib Erty is said to have checked herself into a government-run clinic for a stay of undetermined length, while Persoot Uvhappness is suffering from mild depression and is currently in hiding.
Originally published July 2009.
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HL Carpenter, an experienced investor and a CPA, specializes in reader friendly financial and tax topics for individuals and small businesses, and publishes Top Drawer Ink, a newsletter that's chock full of humor and common sense information.
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Last update: December 30, 2009
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