TOP DRAWER SATIRE
Ponzi Schemes Unlimited
by
HL Carpenter
In a sign that the fraud industry remains unaffected by the global recession, Ponzi Schemes Unlimited, an international purveyor of trademarked swindles, claimed today that 2008 was a ‘really good’ year.
While details remain murky, Ponzi’s press release speculates that demand for its products, which include the Pyramid, Mathematically Impossible, and Insolvent From Inception, is up 250% over last year – and the company promises things will only get better.
“Studies have proven a new Ponzi customer is born every minute,” says Carlo P. “Red” Flag, company spokesperson. “We see a bright future for our products.”
Analysts think Mr. Flag’s upbeat outlook is justified. They point out that in addition to the as-yet-unborn Ponzi customers Mr. Flag refers to there are approximately five billion existing potential customers who could be convinced to sample the company’s wares.
Ponzi’s sales force says it is striving mightily to reach all those ‘marks’, as customers are affectionately called.
“We’re very efficient at separating people from their money,” says a sales executive. “After all, that’s why Ponzi Schemes is in business.”
Originally published January 2009.
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HL Carpenter, an experienced investor and a CPA, specializes in reader friendly financial and tax topics for individuals and small businesses, and publishes Top Drawer Ink, a newsletter that's chock full of humor and common sense information.
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Last update: January 9, 2011
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