TOP DRAWER SATIRE
Ups and Downs
by
HL Carpenter
Will the athletic duo Ups and Downs be offered a long-term contract with a major US stock exchange? At this point, no one seems certain, but financial market insiders admit talks are bouncing along at a rapid rate.
The contract under negotiation is reportedly a lucrative one for the two athletes. Ups and Downs will receive a multi-trillion dollar signing bonus, along with options, buyouts and endorsements. In exchange, the partners will agree to perform their complicated routine of acrobatic gymnastics on a regular basis, perhaps as often as daily.
What’s the benefit to the market?
“This is a great deal for the exchange,” says a person familiar with the details. “Sponsoring Ups and Downs will generate brand-awareness.”
Critics point out the attention Ups and Downs generates is often negative.
“They’re unpredictable, they do scary stuff and they perform without a net,” says a member of Feeding the Bull, an organization that follows market movements. “It’s irresponsible to promote this kind of activity.”
Supporters counter that free publicity will more than make up for perceived drawbacks to the sponsorship of Ups and Downs.
“Everyone loves watching the show these two put on,” says a market insider. “Investors even tell us they lay awake at night thinking about Ups and Downs.”
Originally published May 2009.
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HL Carpenter, an experienced investor and a CPA, specializes in reader friendly financial and tax topics for individuals and small businesses, and publishes Top Drawer Ink, a newsletter that's chock full of humor and common sense information.
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Last update: December 30, 2009
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