TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

The Yawning Deficit
by
HL Carpenter

 

As world leaders met in Copenhagen to discuss global climate change this week, political scientists in America came to a chilling conclusion about another weather crisis. Studies show a phenomenon dubbed “the yawning deficit” could have a severe impact on the climate in Washington DC in 2010.

“Politicians have underestimated the effect of this activity,” says one Capitol Hill resident. “If the yawning deficit continues to expand at the current pace, many lawmakers will have to find somewhere else to live next year.”

Though deficits have been part of Washington’s atmosphere for decades, experts believe the present rate of growth is unprecedented. Such rapid expansion turns an ordinary deficit into a “yawning deficit”, a large black hole that sucks in all surrounding prosperity.

While there’s little doubt about the existence of the yawning deficit, no one in Washington seems to know what to do about it. Various solutions have been proposed, including filling the void with hot air and covering it with paper specially manufactured by the Treasury Department. A vocal group called “The Taxpayers” is promoting fiscal responsibility and reduced spending as practical answers, but those suggestions have been rejected as too simplistic.

“Folks in Washington are in denial,” says A. Citizen, a dues-paying member of The Taxpayers. “They just don’t want to admit they’ll be out in the cold in 2010.”

 

Originally published December 2009.