TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

Bad Weather
by
HL Carpenter

 

Despite the billions of dollars spent by the US government over the past decade to prevent unauthorized access at points of entry, Bad Weather somehow managed to cross the Canadian border into America this week. The US Weather Security Administration is taking heat for the security lapse, which sources within the agency say has occurred more than once this year.

"This was a perfect storm," says Temps Dropping, an agency spokesperson. "Bad Weather slipped in under our radar."

Mr. Weather is well-known as the leader of a radical group called Atmospheric Conditions, and the agency will soon face a congressional panel to answer questions about its failure to intercept him. The panel is expected to focus on the need for improved surveillance of Atmospheric Conditions, including scans at jet stream locations and stepped-up drone attacks on regions known to harbor these and other meteorological elements.

Critics say the inquiry amounts to nothing more than talking up a storm. They're convinced the Weather Security Administration failed to heed numerous forecasts indicating Mr. Weather's activities in the days before his most recent incursion into the US.

"The Administration seems more concerned with knowing which way the wind blows than with doing anything about Bad Weather," says one angry citizen.

According to news stories, Mr. Weather has been spotted at various locations across the country, with numerous sightings reported in the northeast states. He's accompanied by two companions, Cold Winds and Drifting Snow. All three are considered dangerous, and the Weather Security Administration, in cooperation with the National Football League, is urging Americans to stay indoors over the weekend.

 

Originally published February 2010.