TOP DRAWER SATIRE

The Edge of Disaster
by
HL Carpenter

Have you had the feeling America is rapidly approaching the edge of Disaster? Turns out you're right.

"This is an unprecedented opportunity," says Wonsteep Cliff, a scientist who studies hazardous situations at the US Congress of Dangerous Doings. "After years of near misses, we're finally getting close enough for first-hand exploration of the world of Disaster."

Disaster, a constellation of wildly destructive events, is located in the Catastrophe galaxy, south of the planet Misfortune and adjacent to the asteroid Extreme Ruin. Government rocket scientists have worked long and hard to make sure America reaches Disaster as quickly as possible. Now, thanks to copious taxpayer funding and prodigious efforts by the Congress, the USA has nearly arrived.

Proponents who have pushed things to this point, known as space cadets, are excited about the speed of the country's progress toward Disaster. They believe the final leg of the journey will have unimaginable consequences for America's future.

Critics say rushing into Disaster is a mistake, and point out that beyond Disaster's edge might well be another, steeper precipice. They want to move cautiously, skating around Disaster if at all possible.

Dr. Cliff calls that thinking defeatist. He's certain Americans know Disaster is the final frontier. "We're a nation of pioneers," he says. "We should expect to take an arrow or two in the back as we step up to the bleeding edge of Disaster."

Originally published June 2010.