TOP DRAWER SATIRE

Re-Plumbing the Laws of Economics
by
HL Carpenter

Tuesday’s election results might slow the progress of health legislation currently snaking through the US Congress. However, those in the know say it will have no impact on another congressional piece of work still in the pipe: BS 101, a bill that will re-plumb the Laws of Economics.

“Existing economic laws are dysfunctional,” says I. Dontgetit, a government spokesperson. “We’ve come to the conclusion the entire system needs to be wiped clean.”

BS 101, touted by backers as the real poop, is the culmination of decades of political tinkering with the Laws of Economics. Under the current regulations, which have been in effect for more than 200 years, consumers decide how and where to spend their money.

BS 101 proposes to flush such old-school thinking right down the drain. Provisions in the bill were plumbed from recommendations by government economists, who say the Laws of Economics were enacted during a much different time and no longer hold water in a modern economy.

Critics have plunged into the flap by arguing BS 101 should be canned. Instead of new legislation, they say the solution to America’s present economic constipation lies in bearing down on the enforcement of existing laws. They contend none of the politicians pushing BS 101 have a firm grasp on what they’re voting for.

Mr. Dontgetit expresses amazement that anyone believes members of Congress could possibly fail to be on familiar terms with BS 101.

According to the Congressional Record, BS 101 passed swiftly through the House of Representatives yesterday and is now floating around Senate chambers. Voting there may be delayed due to a bloated legislative agenda that includes health care, employment, climate control, banking, manufacturing, finance, agriculture, education, defense spending and various sports activities.

Originally published January 2010.