TOP DRAWER SATIRE

Growing Frustration
by
HL Carpenter

Thanks to efforts by the White House, vegetable gardens are trendy again. But you can forget such common fare as tomatoes, peppers and carrots. According to a recently released report, in many parts of the US this year's most popular crop is Frustration.

"It's turning into a revolution," says Herb Sprout, spokesperson for Fed Up, the ground roots federation of backyard plotters. "Growing Frustration is all the rage."

In the past, Frustration was considered a niche crop, and was generally cultivated only in small, contained areas. Now the spiky, acidic plant is spreading nationally.

Gardening experts say the flowering of Frustration is an unintended by-product of government programs, many of which created the conditions that cause Frustration to germinate.

In addition, horticulturists say Frustration is easy to grow. Toss a few seeds onto hard ground and fertilize with mass-produced, bovine-based composting material. In a matter of weeks you'll have enough Frustration to supply a small army.

Not everyone thinks the proliferation of Frustration is a good thing. Critics believe the plant lacks nutritional value and can lead to intestinal distress, particularly when consumed in large quantities at political gatherings. They call Frustration a noxious weed, and hope those currently enamored of it will soon vote to return perennial offerings to their rightful place in the garden.

"Frustration is an aggressive crop," Mr. Sprout concedes. "If you're not careful, it will take over and crowd out your incumbents."

Originally published May 2010.