TOP DRAWER SATIRE

Capitol Games
by
HL Carpenter

As Congress wraps up a final session, it's time to take a look at the games politicians have been playing this year. Yesterday, Capitol Games, a Washington, DC-based toy manufacturer, released a list of the bestselling political games of 2010. Topping the chart - Kicking the Can Down the Road.

"This is a favorite in the US senate," says a spokesperson for Capitol Games. "The rules are simple and everyone gets to play."

In the version enjoyed by senators, Kicking the Can Down the Road requires sixty or more players. One is selected "Majority Leader" and it is that person's job to attempt to corral the others as they bob, duck, weave, swerve and hide. The goal is to appear to be accomplishing important work while shoving a can along the road to some future destination. The can itself is large enough to hide a 600 pound gorilla and is stuffed with issues no one wants to deal with.

"The further senators kick the can, the more points they earn," says a person familiar with the game. "Everyone wants to be a high scorer, because then you can play for years."

Despite its popularity, Kicking the Can Down the Road does have detractors. Critics contend the current round has been going on far too long. Some say they'd like to see politicians quit playing games entirely and focus on work.

Capitol Games, which enjoyed a very profitable year, admits playing too much Kicking the Can Down the Road may have unforeseen consequences. However, they say it's impractical to expect politicians to stop playing all games. Instead, they suggest shifting to other titles on the bestselling list, such as Rhetoric, which requires politicians to speak as long as possible without actually saying anything, and The Blame Game, which involves everyone pointing fingers at everyone else.

Originally published December 2010.