TOP DRAWER SATIRE

The Jobs Machine
by
HL Carpenter

Looking for work? Jobs Unlimited desperately needs an experienced machinist skilled in making difficult repairs on the fly, participating in troubleshooting and preparing root cause analyses.

The company, which is the sole remaining manufacturer of American jobs, says its jobs machine is broken, and a crucial replacement part is no longer made in this country. While Jobs Unlimited has the part on order from China, an arrival date is uncertain, with the Chinese supplier suggesting it may take months - if not years - for delivery.

That leaves Jobs Unlimited unable to produce jobs at a time when demand is peaking, and scrambling for a way to re-tool the malfunctioning equipment.

The resulting crisis has finally attracted the attention of the US government. A congressional committee has been established to investigate the reasons for the breakdown of the jobs machine. First on the agenda: Finding experts who can explain to politicians how jobs are actually created.

A spokesperson for Jobs Unlimited insists government intervention will be more hindrance than help, adding that jobs are vital to the bottom line and the company is focused on getting the jobs machine back into production as soon as possible.

Job creation experts are skeptical of the claim, pointing out that the company missed many opportunities to repair the jobs machine, dating back to when the engine first began sputtering ten years ago. They believe government stimulus is the only way to force Jobs Unlimited to come up with a quick solution.

They also point out the government has an incentive to act, since it relies on a steady output of jobs production to fuel political machinery. When jobs are in short supply, even politicians may find themselves unemployed.

Originally published September 2010.