TOP DRAWER SATIRE

The Papershuffle Department
by
HL Carpenter

In yet another unprecedented reform, the Obama administration today announced the formation of a single agency to coordinate document management for the entire federal government. The Papershuffle Department will commence operations immediately, with the goal of creating a common set of rules for the arrangement and re-arrangement of bureaucratic paperwork.

"We've relied on an ad hoc system for far too long," says Herman Redtape, spokesperson for the new agency. "It's time to make sure all our paperwork travels in the same circles."

Shuffling experts are praising the initiative, saying it will increase employee efficiency by eliminating improper paper shuffling methods. Until now, government employees have relied on a variety of techniques to shuffle paper, including riffling, piling and weaving. According to Mr. Redtape, the Papershuffle Department will no longer allow such a lackadaisical approach, and will instead create a manual of acceptable paper shuffling procedures to ensure uniformity.

The proposed consistency is necessary because the amount of governmental paper shuffling is expected to increase sharply as recent healthcare and financial legislation begins to take effect. Sloppy shuffling could have a significant impact on the public's satisfaction with government agencies, Mr. Redtape says.

Critics believe the cost of adding another layer to governmental paper shuffling far outweighs any benefit. They say there has not been a lot of thought applied to what the Papershuffle Department is trying to accomplish, nor what unintended outcomes may result from standardized paper shuffling.

Mr. Redtape says the department has prepared a study on the effect of the new rules. "Unfortunately, I can't share it just yet," he explains. "We're still putting our paperwork in order."

Originally published July 2010.