TOP DRAWER SATIRE

The Re-election Business
by
HL Carpenter

Despite the lingering recession, at least one company is doing well. Reelections R US, a Washington DC-based company that markets Electorate Brownnosing products to politicians already in office, reported a winning quarter.

"We expect this spectacular profit run to continue through 2012 and beyond," says In Cumbent, spokesperson for Reelections R US. "Rising voter intransigence has doubled demand for our products."

Analysts also expect the trend to continue, as career politicians, threatened with an unfamiliar sense of job insecurity, scramble to purchase Image Enhancement, Lobbyist Support, Celebrity Endorsements and other name brand items from Reelections R US prior to November 2.

A recent review issued by the nonpartisan Congressional Office of Ballotstuffing (COB) projects total spending on reelection products at $100 trillion in the month of October. Though the COB number includes difficult-to-track estimates of noncash outlays for political misstatements, generalized deceptions, and attempts to raise fear levels and induce confusion among the voting public, experts believe it is accurate.

Long-term prospects for Reelections R US are also good.

"We will continue to thrive whatever the result of this election," says Mr. Cumbent. "Reelections R US gains a new crop of customers every two years."

Originally published October 2010.