TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

Seizing the Dreams
by
HL Carpenter

 

Wondering why your dreams no longer come true? It could be they've been impounded by the Nanny Division of the US Department of Justice.

The seizure of trillions of dreams is a result of the Nanny Division's indictment of Olaf Sandman. Mr. Sandman, a happy, elf-like individual with a penchant for carrying a small pouch of fine powder and walking around in socks, made a name for himself as a purveyor of warm, fuzzy, night-time imaginings.

The Nanny Division says he's a con artist, and arrested him yesterday. He's charged with defrauding millions of Americans who bought into his vision of traveling over a rainbow to a land where dreams really do come true.

"He convinced investors to put up forty winks each," says Hava Goodnite, spokesperson for the Nanny Division. "In exchange, he guaranteed huge castles in the air and vast amounts of pie in the sky."

Unfortunately, according to the Nanny Division, Mr. Sandman's promises were mere illusions. They say his carefully-knit scheme began unraveling when regulators woke up to the fact that none of his assurances could withstand the light of day.

Many investors are wide-eyed over the arrest. Some remain doubtful of the charges and refuse to believe Mr. Sandman is a fraud.

"No matter what the government does, I'll dare to keep dreaming," says a fan who spent last night wishing upon a star. "Birds fly over the rainbow. Why can't I?"

Like his supporters, Mr. Sandman remains optimistic. "I sleep well," he says. "Soon these clouds will be behind me, and my troubles will melt like lemon drops."

Whatever the final outcome, for now Mr. Sandman remains in federal custody at an official grey-sky location somewhere south of the rainbow he once hoped to travel over. The government says his remaining inventory of dreams is being catalogued and will eventually be returned to the proper owners.

 

Originally published July 2011.