TOP DRAWER SATIRE

 

Delivering Hope
by
HL Carpenter

 

Hope Unlimited has long promised good things to customers. Now the company is facing a government investigation into how well it delivers on those promises.

"We've been receiving reports that Hope is overrated," says an official of the US Department of Obstruction. "We're looking into the company's business practices."

Hope, a retailer of expectation products such as Lucky Break and Starting Over, acknowledges receiving a subpoena from the department. The company says it will cooperate, though it remains confused about the reason for the investigation. Rosy Outlook, Hope's spokesperson, thinks the problem may be a logistical one.

Analysts agree, and point out the difficulties inherent in shipping quadrillions of customized wishes each day. They say with such high volume more than a few consumers are bound to be disappointed.

Critics believe the problem lies in marketing. They feel Hope makes promises it never intends to keep. They'd like to see the company tone down the hype and present a more realistic approach.

Ms. Outlook counters with the observation that it's impossible to please everyone. She insists Hope is not overly concerned about the investigation and is certain everything will turn out for the best.

Whatever the government's final decision, Hope will still have to deal with the hit to its reputation. In the meantime, negative reviews continue to pour in.

"I waited forever to get my Lucky Break," reads a typical comment. "When it finally arrived, it was broken."

 

Originally published September 2011.