TOP DRAWER SATIRE

The Reality Train
by
HL Carpenter

The Reality Train no longer stops in Washington DC.

The celebrated train first appeared in the nation's capital over two hundred years ago. Though originally an important part of the town's culture, the Reality Train has been losing popularity with Washington residents over the past decade. The train's operator, Real World Railways, says ridership dropped so much on the DC route that continuing service was not an option.

"We're tired of fighting a losing battle," says Deefineurown Truth, spokesperson for Real World Railways. "These days no one in Washington rides the Reality Train."

Analysts agree, pointing out the decline in the city's intelligence density, a key measure of Reality Train sustainability.

Real World says another problem is the Reality Train's image as a relic of an earlier age. That's a drawback for modern commuters, who prefer trendier transportation. The company plans to scrap the Reality Train, though there's always the possibility of selling it to a museum.

Supporters are upset by the decision to abandon the train. They admit the Reality Train can seem dirty and gritty at times, yet they insist it has character that's worth preserving.

"It may be inconvenient for some riders," says Harsh Fact, a fan of keeping the train running. "But once the Reality Train hits the ash heap of history, what will take its place?"

Originally published May 2011.