TOP DRAWER SATIRE

The Light at the End of The Tunnel
by
HL Carpenter

Are you wondering what happened to the light at the end of The Tunnel? Your government is, too.

"At the moment, we're in the dark," says Notso Brilliant, a spokesperson for the US Department of Shine On. "We apologize for the inconvenience."

The Tunnel is a long, expensive shaft that was part of a governmentally-funded infrastructure project designed to guide Americans toward jobs, prosperity, and a better outlook on life in general. The bright point of The Tunnel was the light at the end, which was supposed to provide hope to weary travelers.

Unfortunately, according to experts, the scheme had problems from the beginning. Arguments over the effectiveness and cost of The Tunnel often caused the light at the end to flicker. Last Monday, that light abruptly went out, slowing all progress to the speed of dark.

"At first we thought the problem was budget cuts," says Con Fused, who began the long hike through The Tunnel two years ago. "Then we heard the department forgot to pay the power bill."

Ms. Brilliant insists neither of those rumors is correct. She says the Department of Shine On is working hard to find the true cause of the blackout while reassuring people like Mr. Fused the light will soon be switched back on.

After two years spent trying to reach the light at the end of The Tunnel, Mr. Fused is skeptical. "I'm not a conspiracy theorist," he says. "But I'm convinced the government has secretly been buying more tunnel."

Originally published April 2011.